Donald Trump is now using the language of an abusive husband

The US president’s leaked letter to Norway’s prime minister, Jonas Gahr Støre, isn’t just “typical” Trump – it’s toxic, too.

It reads as a chest-beating, thundering display of silverback aggression; designed to belittle its target, undermine them – and coerce or manipulate them into doing what he wants. And it’s likely to send a shiver down the spine of anyone who’s been in (or witness to) an abusive or controlling relationship.

The letter, which was apparently forwarded to multiple European ambassadors in Washington before being leaked to PBS News, reads: “Dear Jonas: Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped 8 Wars PLUS, I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the United States of America.

“Denmark cannot protect that land from Russia or China, and why do they have a ‘right of ownership’ anyway? There are no written documents, it’s only that a boat landed there hundreds of years ago, but we had boats landing there, also. I have done more for NATO than any other person since its founding, and now, NATO should do something for the United States. The World is not secure unless we have Complete and Total Control of Greenland. Thank you! President DJT.”

It comes after Trump vowed on Saturday to introduce a wave of new tariffs on European allies until the US is permitted to buy Greenland, which is an autonomous territory of Denmark. Leaders of both Denmark and Greenland have insisted the island is not for sale and does not want to be part of the United States.

On reading the leaked letter, I was struck by one thing: that appears straight out of the playbook of every single abusive husband, boyfriend or partner; that it bears all the hallmarks of coercion and verbal abuse. It even resembles the behaviour and language used by these types of men – word for word. In fact, coercive control is defined as psychological abuse and controlling behaviour in a relationship, with abusive partners isolating their victims and controlling their finances. Sound familiar?

Trump’s phrasing: “I have done more for NATO than any other person since its founding, and now, NATO should do something for the United States”; and “The World is not secure unless we have Complete and Total Control of Greenland” mimics the transactional threats that are quintessential – and, sadly, achingly common – to controlling personalities. In fact, they wouldn’t look out of place in a “how to spot if you’re in a coercive relationship” checklist.

There’s gaslighting: “Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped 8 Wars PLUS”; there’s twisting of the truth: “There are no written documents, it’s only that a boat landed there hundreds of years ago, but we had boats landing there, also”; and there’s even naked threat: “I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace”.

And if you read between the lines of Trump’s letter, conditional phrases like: “I have done more for NATO than any other person since its founding, and now, NATO should do something for the United States” can be quickly re-translated as: “You made me do this...”; “You owe me”, and, “if you loved me, you would”. These are well-worn threats, straight out of the mouths of angry men; and from what I’ve seen, there are none more angry than Donald J Trump.

To me, it is clear he is angry that he can’t get what he wants – and what he wants, more than anything (other than the Nobel Peace Prize, which Norway also failed to give him last year) is Greenland. And so, pretty predictably, we hear him throwing his toys out of the pram with a Nato ally; spitting out petty, spiteful ultimatums and bizarrely linking his personal failures with the Nobel Prize to his latest attempted land grab.

It isn’t veiled, it’s overt. And in copying the language of abusers (as well as every emotionally disregulated toddler out there) – plus his shameful record on women’s rights and his chequered personal history with sexual abuse – Trump is showing the world what he is: just your typical, toxic man. As the old adage goes: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

Perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised; after all, this is simply the latest in a litany of transparent displays of wannabe machismo and grotesque alpha male entitlement. We’ve seen Putin do it; we’ve seen it in Kim Jong Un, and we see it in Trump. The world is far less safe in the hands of angry men.

Just look at Trump’s warning on Sunday that Denmark has not been able to do anything to get the “Russian threat” away from Greenland, when he wrote on his social media platform, Truth Social: “NATO has been telling Denmark, for 20 years, that ‘you have to get [the] Russian threat away from Greenland.’ Unfortunately, Denmark has been unable to do anything about it. Now it is time, and it will be done!!!”

Still, there might be some hope (if we squint). What’s the best way to escape an abusive relationship? Boundaries. In this case, that means physical ones, too. Such as denying President Trump all access to Greenland.