Breakup with your smartphone for Christmas – and maybe for life

Many of us forgot how to be playful. We stopped galloping into rooms. We spend all our time replying to emails. We traded “wow” for “what now?” And at Christmas – for many the most joy‑drenched time of the year – we often find ourselves watching happiness instead of feeling it.

Too many adults spend Christmas morning squinting at joy through a six‑inch screen – filming their children, partners or dogs, and scrolling through other people’s Christmas mornings on Instagram.

Joy isn’t a spectator sport. Of course, it’s lovely to see, but it’s lovelier when it’s your hands in the air, glitter in your eyelashes, your feet surrounded by open selection boxes. It’s messy. Unscripted. And the good news? You already know how to do it – you just forgot.

open image in gallery

In 2023, I had a nervous breakdown. It was joy that saved me – not in some big, dramatic way, but in the small stuff: the sound of a song I’d forgotten I loved, sunlight on my face, a massive crisp, a hug.

I discovered what is known as “glimmers”. Each time I noticed one, I stopped thinking about how broken I felt. Bit by bit, joy stitched me back together – not perfectly, but enough to keep going.

There is nothing childish about play. At some point, we were all told to tone it down. To stop being so noisy, so full of beans. “Grow up,” they said. So we did. But somewhere along the way, we overdid it.

Play is all around us – we just don’t notice it until it’s gone. And for many, that’s exactly what has happened. Playing is how we process joy. It’s how we feel alive. And it looks different for everyone: a snowball fight in a too‑small coat, baking biscuits that look like traumatised reindeer, building a den from cardboard boxes and hiding in it when the in‑laws/grandparents arrive early.

Play is doing something silly that serves no purpose other than delighting your soul.

Remember when you used to wiggle? Not dance – wiggle. That uncontainable, whole‑body squirm that happens when you’re too excited to be still. As adults, our wiggle gets replaced by spreadsheets, bills, screens and conversations about radiator efficiency. But deep down, the wiggle’s still there – it just needs a little permission.

You don’t need a reason. You don’t need perfect weather. You don’t need the “right” playlist or coordinated pyjamas. You need to notice the glimmers – the flickers of magic in the ordinary – and let yourself move.

Ditch the camera. Get in the frame.

open image in gallery

Do you really want to remember Christmas through 24/7 shaky videos of someone else having fun? Put it down. Step in. Be the one covered in Sellotape. Be the one who knocks over the Buck’s Fizz. Be the one who says, “You know what? Let’s go for a walk before we Google how to assemble this inflatable hot tub.”

There’s no filter like being fully in it.

Christmas isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. And presence isn’t neat – it’s wild, warm, ridiculous and a little sticky. It’s mismatched socks, mispronounced carols and Monopoly‑related meltdowns. It’s laughing so hard you snort. It’s saying “I love you” without needing to get it right.

Kids are masters of presence. They show up to the moment like it’s their stage, and life is one long encore. They aren’t worrying about calories or what to post – they’re too busy licking the spoon and feeling fulfilled.

If you’ve forgotten how to do that? Watch them. Better yet, join in.

The world is serious enough. Let this Christmas be your sanctuary of silliness. Be the twiddler, the dreamer, the loud laugher. Be the person who says “yes” to singing, skipping and second helpings.

You don’t need to buy joy. You just need to remember it.

Confidently Lost: Finding Joy in the Chaos and Rediscovering What Matters Most in Life by Gavin Oattes is published by Capstone, out now, priced £12.99