How do I cope with being alone this Christmas?

Dear Vix,

I’m so worried about being alone this Christmas.

I don’t have any friends who are close enough (emotionally or physically) to spend time with and my son lives very far away. Plus, he’s busy with his wife and his young family – they didn’t suggest coming to visit and I don’t like being a burden on them.

I lost my wife a few years ago and it feels like the only light in my life has gone out. I have nice neighbours but they’ll be busy too with whatever they’ve got going on – I don’t like to be a nuisance or to put people out.

I’ll probably just watch the telly and sit in front of the fire with a ready-meal and fall asleep with the radio on, just so it doesn’t feel too quiet.

How can I somehow summon up some Christmas spirit, this year, when it’s so stark and absent?

Lonely Old Guy

Dear Lonely,

My heart goes out to you, it really does. Please take some small comfort in the fact that even though you “only” wrote an email and sent it out into the ether, I’m thinking of you today.

Christmas can be so hard for so many of us – and it can be even more of a challenge when it feels like the rest of the world is ramming the need to be festive down our throats. From hectic and constant consumerism around Christmas presents, to the seasonal ads showing massive, blended families all laughing and joking and cheering each other around a heaped table, full of food – well, when you’re not in that situation, it can feel a bit like it’s highlighting your own sadness.

I’ve spent a good few Christmasses without my children due to co-parenting – or completely alone with them having to be “cheery Ms Christmas” during the Covid years – and I’ve come to approach each Christmas with a heavy heart. But I want you to know that this year, my heart is also with you.

There are some really small tricks and tips that might ease the burden today, but the main thing I want you to try to keep in mind (if at all possible) is that it is just a day. One day – and tomorrow will be different. This too shall pass (a phrase I repeat often for a reason, because it’s so glaringly true).

As you approach today, I want you to think about how your wife would want you to treat yourself: with love, compassion, respect and care. To that end, it would be great to come up with a very short list of all the things you enjoy doing today and to make sure you try your hardest to do them all.

For me, that would start with my favourite breakfast: something simple, like scrambled or poached eggs (and some smoked salmon if I’m feeling fancy... it is Christmas, after all!). I might eat it while looking out of the window at the garden and seeing how many birds or foxes I can spot. I like to listen to the radio while I’m getting ready for the day, too; and then I always try to get outside – even if it’s cold, even if it’s frosty. A short walk, even just down the road or around the block, helps clear my head and always manages to shake the blues away.

If that sounds appealing to you, perhaps on that walk you could say “Merry Christmas” to a stranger. Making spontaneous contact like that with a smile and a wave always gives us a warm feeling – it makes the other person feel great, too.

If you have nice neighbours, you really shouldn’t feel too shy or embarrassed to knock on their door to wish them a happy day. Believe me: everyone would appreciate it. They might even invite you in for a spontaneous cup of tea! You could even take them a box of mince pies. Similarly, even though you aren’t seeing your son, give him a call – better yet (if he has kids) do it on FaceTime so you can see their faces. Consider also calling an old friend who might be in the same position you are.

If you have religion in your life – or even if you don’t (my local church is offering a meal to whoever wants one on December 25), it would be a perfect day today to attend a service. You could look online to see what time they’re running and they’d be more than happy to have you.

Or, another sort of church: do you have a friendly local pub? Mine is open on Christmas Day (with reduced hours) and are also offering mince pies on the bar and some festive cheer.

Lastly, don’t feel any regret or remorse at all about being a bit indulgent: putting your slippers on, having a long, hot bubble bath and watching some Christmas telly with the fire on, just as you have planned. Wear your comfiest clothes or even dress up a bit. You deserve it. Merry Christmas.

If you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness this Christmas, reach out to the Samaritans for free, 24-hour support by calling 116 123.

Do you have a problem you would like to raise anonymously with Dear Vix? Issues with love, relationships, family and work? Email dearvix@independent.co.uk