How I let go of ‘perfect’ to beat single-parent holiday anxiety

What would you imagine is the hardest part about taking your kids away alone, abroad, as a single parent? You might think – as I did – that it would be the torture of constant questions, from “Can I have a snack?” to the more surreal, such as how naked mole rats keep warm in winter. (Answer: they huddle in large groups and are ectothermic, meaning their body temperature fluctuates with the temperature outside. Who knew!)

I can attest how exhausting it is to act as a walking-talking-cuddling version of Wikipedia, but that wasn’t the hardest aspect of my first holiday abroad as a single parent.

Nor was it missing the company of other adults. For one, we all went to bed at the same time – show me a person over 40 who enjoys staying up past 10pm, and I’ll show you a liar – and we were also all in the same bed.

That’s right – sharing a family suite meant we got to push three beds together to form one giant super-super-king. Perfect for jumping on, for binge-watching Building the Band on Netflix (our new guilty pleasure) on and for the fact that nobody could kick anyone else in the face in the middle of the night, though of course they tried.

I didn’t miss adult company because my children have such mad, hilarious and chaotic views and opinions, I’d choose them to hang out with over pretty much anyone.

No, the trickiest part about taking my kids, 13 and nine, away solo was having to make all the decisions. Where to eat, which activity, whether it is safe, should we dig a huge hole on the beach and sit in it? (The answer to that last one is always “yes”).

Just someone – anyone – else to act as a reassuring voice in my ear; to tell me I’m making the right call, that I’m doing the right thing. That’s what I missed. I coped by outsourcing my dilemmas and hummingbird-brained concerns to my friends.

Before we even left England, I worried about how many suitcases to pack, what if they don’t sell Marmite in the local shop, what if I forget the charger for the iPad and the teenager’s phone, and will she ever speak to me again if I do, etc.

And that’s before you factor in getting to the airport, worrying that I’d somehow mistyped our passport details and they wouldn’t let us fly, then at the other end, worrying we would get lost because I can’t speak Greek to the taxi driver.

I’m not alone in being a nervous wreck about my holiday. Plenty of other single parents are too – and they’re refreshingly open about it. I even belong to a Facebook support group, where the majority of posts are from parents and carers also sweating the small (and not-so-small) stuff.

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All parents want to do is give their kids a great holiday. It’s painfully evident that we are at risk of worrying ourselves sick in the process. People shared that they’re losing sleep over the cost – a report by Which? shows that holidays in 2025 are up to 11.5 per cent more expensive, with the average price of a package holiday rising by 4.2 per cent since last year. Mums share safety concerns, while dads reveal touching worries over being “enough” or too “boring” for their kids.

I wanted to come up with a plan so I wouldn’t feel so nervous next time, so I spoke to Natasha Silverman, a relationship therapist working with individuals, couples and families, who explained why holidays can feel so fraught.

“For many clients, travelling with their children feels like a marker of progress and strength,” she says. “It’s evidence they can manage something big, unfamiliar, and emotionally loaded. It also reflects a growing confidence in their ability to cope, to adapt and to create good memories as a solo parent.”

Though it may seem counterintuitive, the most important tool is to normalise the anxiety we all feel, especially around carrying full responsibility for creating the “magic” of the experience.

“A common challenge is the lack of another adult to bounce ideas off,” says Silverman. “Even small decisions – like whether to stay at the beach or head back for a rest – can feel heavier without someone to validate your instincts. Over time, this can lead to decision fatigue, self-doubt and a sense of emotional isolation – all while under pressure to create a joyful experience for your children.”

Silverman says that many people leave toxic relationships to become single parents – and while that’s a good move in the long term, it can take your nervous system time to adjust to the sudden lack of negativity. “It can feel destabilising to have the choice and freedom to unapologetically make decisions that are aligned with your wishes,” she says. “This might take some time to get used to, but your nervous system, and your children’s, will thank you in the long term.”

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She adds, “Many solo parents are already used to being the default parent. They’ve often been given no choice but to carry the mental load long before any separation or loss. So while the setting may be different, the sense of sole responsibility is often very familiar. What makes holidays uniquely challenging is the lack of familiar routines, support networks, or even a moment’s break when things get tough.”

And she points out that for many of us, carrying grief on holiday can feel like extra baggage altogether.

But there is hope, especially once you get on the plane. “Once the trip gets underway, many parents report a growing sense of confidence and competence. They realise: ‘This is hard, but I’m doing it.’ In some cases, the holiday is even easier than expected. And they’re left with a sense of victory.”

That’s exactly how I feel: victorious. We’re home now, and nobody got left behind. We didn’t just “survive”; we had a bloody good time. We learned about naked mole rats! The most important lesson for me has been not to let the anxiety win. Single parents don’t just have to scramble through – we can smash it.