Dozy Donald’s Gaza snoozefest was like a Pyongyang politburo meeting in a retirement home

Understandably, given the dramatic news about the man formerly known as HRH Prince Andrew, Duke of York, but now as “a man in his sixties from Norfolk”, the world didn’t pay much attention to the latest meeting of Donald Trump’s “Board of Peace”. Or “Bored of Peace”, as it turned out.

Some memes on social media showed Trump “resting his eyes” for long periods during the dull, sycophantic speeches, his face drooping before being jolted back into alertness by dutiful bursts of applause, but that was about as full as the coverage got. A poor third, then to the travails of Mr Mountbatten-Windsor and the men’s bobsleigh in Cortina.

Trump – or “Sleepy Don” as we must now, in all fairness, call him – was dozing off even as his global peacemaking efforts were being respectfully lauded by delegates from some of the most belligerent nations on God’s earth. No one, least of all the Israeli foreign minister, Gideon Sa'ar, was rude or foolhardy enough to gently point out that Gaza, the Board’s supposed focus, isn’t all that peaceful or prosperous at the moment. Sadly, there was no one available to give an update on the situation on the ground, because no one from Gaza had been invited to attend.

Rather shamefully, or perhaps shamelessly, Tony Blair did show up, representing his eponymous institute, but I guess he thought he was there to try and make sure the rest didn’t do something really stupid, much like his time as leader of the Labour Party.

It was all very Pyongyang, if I can put it that way, except Kim Jong Un, “Little Rocket Man” according to Trump, has more stamina than his counterpart and doesn’t nod off as easily during plenary sessions of the Workers’ Party of Korea, as the dotard of Washington does during his Politburo-style cabinet meetings. Naturally, they’ve renamed the former US Institute of Peace building, ironically shut down and emptied by Elon Musk’s Doge, in honour of Donald J Trump, which is indeed exactly the kind of thing that can cheer up a jaded dictator.

Still, who can blame Trump for having a little doze during this two-hour snoozeathon? He’s admitted in the past that he finds such events “boring as hell”, and there is nothing quite like a large dose of platitudes to send one to the land of nod. At 79, his attention span isn’t what it might have been. Had it gone on for much longer, he might have fallen into a coma. Secretary Kennedy and Dr Oz must stage an intervention. Subjecting this frail and doddery president to such treatment is surely akin to elder abuse.

The only thing of consequence to emerge from proceedings was the news that Trump was putting $10bn (£7.4bn) of US taxpayers’ money into another of his personal vanity projects. This, true to form, is being done without Congressional approval or oversight, and is, technically, unconstitutional. But none of the assembled delegates, especially the more authoritarian ones, cared to ask any questions about that. Trump still enjoys being showered by adulation, however patently insincere, but you do wonder how much longer his youthful verve and creativity will last, especially when he has banished conflict from the world. After all, a man who is bored of peace is bored of life.