I give my kids duvet days whenever they want for their mental health

The other day I rang the school and left a vague message. My daughter, Liberty, seven, would not be coming in. I didn’t go into details as there weren’t any. She just needed a duvet day for her mental health. In other words, she felt “a little under the weather”, or “six out of 10”, as she rated it.

As she gave me that puppy-eyed look, I wrapped her back up in bed with her favourite fleece Squishmallows blanket and Labubu, brought her homemade pancakes and a warm cup of milk, and generally let her watch her iPad while I waited on her hand and foot like a servant.

No doubt I will be accused of child-centred or jellyfish or gentle or free-range parenting (insert your own favoured parenting stereotype) by the “helicopter” parenting brigade who march their kids into school while still looking green from having just been sick, or with a mild fever – but I give my children duvet days whenever they want.

According to new research, parents like me give their children an average of six mental health days off school a year, and 70 per cent said they saw an improvement in their child’s happiness and behaviour if they were allowed “regular time and space” away from school.

The study, carried out by the research company Perspectus Global, found that a whopping 75 per cent of mums and dads said they had given their child duvet days for “mental health reasons”, with 49 per cent of parents saying they regularly do so, and 26 per cent allowing it only a few times. Many parents even went as far as to arrange activities for their children on these days off, including dropping in to see family members, going to the cinema, concerts or sporting events.

The study doesn’t factor in additional needs and disabilities, but it may match up to the fact that, well, every child is different. My other daughter, Lola, nine, is the polar opposite of her younger sister – and me. She refuses to take a day off even if she is feeling unwell or emotionally out of sorts, whereas I used to take duvet days as a child off my own bat, popping my thermometer in a hot drink to get some attention as the youngest in a large family of five siblings when I felt emotionally neglected.

The research comes amid an attendance crisis in schools. According to the Department for Education, one in three schools is failing to improve truancy levels, which has led the government to announce this month that every school in England is to be issued with an AI-generated target for minimum pupil attendance in an effort to boost attendance rates, which remain stubbornly below pre-pandemic levels.

Government figures show that attendance drops significantly during Key Stage 3, as pupils struggle to settle into secondary school life. But, according to the study, 22 per cent of parents believe being absent from school has no long-term effects on their child’s life, and 32 per cent said they are more relaxed about their children taking days off school than they were pre-pandemic, with working from home making it far easier. I’m in this camp.

Of course, I’m not condoning the severe absence rates – where pupils miss more than 50 per cent of school sessions – which are on the rise. And school refusal is another issue altogether. Fortunately, my children are top of the class and love school. But the odd day off? What is wrong with giving your child a bit of TLC and space away from school politics?

Especially as the end of term approaches, my children get tired and “hangry” after weeks of revolting state school lunches take their toll. Class dynamics don’t help either, when notes get passed around the class, which can make others feel left out. And being up and out at the crack of dawn five days a week can cause burnout.

Teachers have blamed pupil absences on the pandemic, with a lack of social interaction causing a lack of self-confidence. But, according to the parents in the study, a “more personalised learning experience” (55 per cent) would help boost attendance, as well as “game-based learning” (46 per cent). In many cases, it’s just a case of a child needing time out – and a cuddle.

Like many parents, I care deeply about my children’s wellbeing. If sometimes that means prioritising mental health over perfect attendance records, then I’m sorry if it sounds too touchy-feely, but it’s the kindest thing to do.