Sock tactics

Life. It's a dangerous business ­ as clearly revealed by the latest Home and Leisure Accident Surveillance System report from the Department of Trade and Industry. You may until now have laboured under the illusion that the main causes of domestic accidents might be problems like scalding water or dodgy wiring. Ha! How naive!

The DTI lifts the lid on an even more sinister set of problems that lie in wait for the unwary. Admittedly, accidents caused by sponges and loofahs are down from 996 to 787, no doubt because of an admirable government initiative, until now sadly ignored. Armchairs, too, have become less aggressive ­ inflicting a mere 16,000 injuries. But accidents involving bean bags have risen from 957 to 1,317. Should the Government not be thinking of banning bean bags?

Above all, it is horrifying to find that hospitalisation caused by socks and tights has risen sharply to a shocking 10,773 cases a year. Bridget Jones would doubtless know what to make of it; we admit to total bafflement. Clearly, something pretty dodgy is going on in the socks-and-tights department. A Royal Commission, no less, must surely be in order.