‘My ex-partner put spyware on my phone to track my every move’
Nicola* could not understand how her ex-partner knew where she was going to be and when – until a sweep of her mobile phone finally revealed the truth, as Holly Evans reports
The alarm bells started to ring in Nicola’s head when she attended a gig in her home city, and she realised her ex-partner’s son was also in the audience. He explained that he had been told to avoid her at the concert if they were to bump into one another.
“That was the first alarm bell,” she told The Independent. “How would he know I was going to be there, and told in advance to avoid me?”
In April 2024, Nicola, whose name has been changed to protect her identity, had ended an abusive short-lived relationship, which had seen her report her former partner to the police for sexual assault.
A few months later, in July, she realised that this “chance meeting” was the start of something far more sinister, as her ex began to relentlessly stalk her at any given opportunity – turning up at her home, workplace and places she exercised.
Her frightening experience comes as charities and campaigners warn of an alarming rise in tech-facilitated abuse, with stalkers using GPS devices, spyware and Apple AirTags to harass their victims.
Freedom of Information data obtained by The Independent from 18 of 44 police forces in England and Wales revealed a 1,034 per cent increase in coercive control cases involving a GPS device, with a 896 per cent increase in stalking reports since 2018.
After dismissing the first occasion as a chance encounter, Nicola realised that a WhatsApp message had been sent to her ex-partner – despite claiming to have never made contact, and stating that she had blocked them for several months.
A month later, she was returning from a wedding via train, having booked her journey at the last minute. “When I walked out of the station, who should be there on their own? Miles away from where they live on a Friday night, with no restaurants or bars nearby, they were sat there. It was incredibly confusing and scary.”
Over the following months, Nicola began spotting her ex at her workplace, her home, outside a leisure centre and parked in a nearby junction to watch as she exercised.
“At this point, they know where I’m going, where I’m going to be at any point. I said a million times, I think I’ve been microchipped. I was utterly paranoid, I was scared and at my wits’ end. How did they know where I was going to be and when I would be attending such specific events?”
Despite reporting it to the police, Nicola says little was done, and she made an application for a non-molestation court order to prevent her ex from contacting her in October last year.
She also contacted her mobile provider, who advised her to visit a mobile phone shop to see if they could analyse her device.
“An hour after I handed it over, they found spyware on my phone. A feature called MSpy, which can be downloaded so they have access to your phone.
“My entire world just fell apart. They can see all your apps, your texts and track your GPS. You walk around blindly thinking everything is fine, and it really wasn’t fine. I had been stalked comprehensively in terms of my location.”
Despite removing the software, the stalking continued, with her ex still successfully managing to pinpoint her whereabouts. She also returned home one evening to discover her home had been broken into.
She has now reported her ex-partner 35 times to three different police forces, but says little progress has been made in her case.
The stalking has caused Nicola to attempt to take her own life on three occasions, as well as self-harm on another three occasions, and she has been hospitalised each time.
“It’s absolutely horrendous,” she said. “I’m constantly on alert. I sit with my back to the wall, I’ve changed my routines and I’m scared of going out.
“I’ve changed everything I do. I’ve changed phones, jobs, I don’t go out on my own, and I’ll contact venues in advance to let them know I’ve been stalked so that I can sit with a security guard.”
The charity Refuge first noticed an increase in the number of perpetrators abusing spyware during the Covid-19 pandemic, and has warned that they are seeing an increasing number of victims being sectioned for mental health issues as a result of stalking.
Deputy Chief Constable Sarah Poolman, national policing lead for stalking and harassment, said: “Stalking is a highly complex crime which is often exacerbated by the exploitation of technology to track, harass and frighten victims.
“Officers must have the right knowledge and skills to identify and investigate offences, which is why training has been updated to include cyberstalking and how offenders exploit technology to stalk victims. This also includes how to retrieve and preserve digital evidence, which is often pivotal to building a strong case. Some forces also offer victim support which includes scanning of devices to identify tracking software.
“Whilst forces have made progress to broaden understanding of stalking and better assess risk, there is more to do to ensure consistency across the country. Our focus is on making sure forces are using every tool available to them to better protect victims and bring more perpetrators to justice.”
If you are experiencing feelings of distress or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.
If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org to access online chat from the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you
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