Hope not hatred is what Manchester’s grieving victims need

I was in Manchester on Thursday, delivering my first ever motivational speech, talking about resilience in the face of adversity, telling people about all the things that I had to tap into to survive the last eight years since my son Martyn died in the Manchester Arena attack in May 2017. As I was coming to the end of my presentation, we could hear sirens. Although that is nothing out of the ordinary in Manchester’s city centre, things felt slightly different in the potency of the sounds. It felt a few notches out of the ordinary. A few minutes later, people started getting news reports on their phones about what had happened – two people had been killed and four were in hospital after a car and knife attack at a synagogue in Crumpsall, Manchester, only a few streets away from where we were.

Today, I feel totally devastated for the Jewish community, shocked that people have been killed and injured. I know only too well what lies ahead for them. Life as they knew it has now changed forever. Terrorists would seek to divide society, create fear, incite anger through their actions and destroy what we stand for. But they will never succeed. I should know. It has happened to me.

What I can say now is that when the worst thing happens to us, something magical happens too. Communities come together and people from all walks of life, all faiths, all colours, stand shoulder to shoulder, supporting each other. When the attack in Manchester happened in 2017, when Martyn died, the amount of support, kindness, love and solidarity that poured out from the people in Manchester, and from beyond, was so intensely massive. That really helped us as victims to actually cope with it.

It’s the kindness of others that made us able to carry on and face another day. This is what needs to happen now – and I’m sure that the people of Manchester will do exactly the same. They will pour out their love to the Jewish community and support everybody as much as they can.

People have criticised me for forgiving the terrorist publicly, but this is how I survived. Without that forgiveness, I would have disintegrated as a human being. By forgiving, I thought I could help break the cycle of hate. And what’s more, I needed to function as a mum and a wife. If I’d given in, my other kids would have lost part of their mum as well. I could not allow those people who had harmed me to destroy my family, too. They had ripped Martyn out of my life and tried to create hate. But they failed. The only feeling I’ve ever felt is sadness.

What I know in my heart is that we must be careful that we’re not hijacked in our emotions by all who would seek to turn us on to each other. Yet this is the beautiful thing about community – in moments of adversity, we find the best within ourselves, shoulder to shoulder. We must absolutely, as a society, reject hate and any attempts to divide the nation.

I would say two things to you now. First, let us not focus on the name of the perpetrator, but on the victims – Adrian Daulby and Melvin Cravitz have been named as those killed – and the families and communities affected. Terrorists seek notoriety for themselves and their cause, so let us not speak their names.

Secondly, don’t buy into the anger. We may look different, have different faces, eat different food, be different colours, but we’re one humankind. We need to live side by side with each other in peace. I am forever telling the children that I’m invited to speak to in schools, don’t be scared of different things, be tolerant, and be curious. Find out about each other’s ways of life, the different things we eat, the different festivals we celebrate. Be curious about each other and use that difference not as something to fear, because that’s what they want. Embrace each other, embrace difference. That – not hatred – is how we heal. That – not hatred – is how we enrich our lives.