Just one more week to go and lockdown independence day will finally be here

It’s within reach! The Fourth of July is this time next week. Not American Independence Day, although it is that too; I’m talking about lockdown independence day.

Yes! We can finally cast off the Covid-19 shackles that have tied us down for so long – 19 weeks to be precise.

From 4 July, although staying two metres apart is definitely better, the distance between us can be reduced to one metre with mitigating measures in place. What luxury!

Mitigation comes in the form of face coverings and avoidance of prolonged face-to-face contact. Well that’ll be easy to police. Erm, won’t it?

How will this brave new world we venture into actually work? Will we get our haircuts from people clad in hazmat gear? Can you even get a haircut from a metre away? What about shampooing? If you thought people’s hairstyles had gone to wreck and ruin in lockdown, a socially distanced haircut will be an interesting work of art to witness.

Hairdressers, places of worship, cinemas, museums, concert halls, hotels and B&Bs, I’m intrigued by the lot. Will cinemas have to have people seating six seats apart from each other? What about the taking of Holy Communion? Concert halls can, of course, open – but there will be absolutely no live performances. Hmmm.

This all assumes that people will bother to follow the new guidelines at all. They may all go by the Demonic – sorry, I mean Dominic – Cummings law of interpretation. After all, interpretation is in the mind of the beholder.

Maintaining the precautionary measures will be challenging to enforce. Take, for example, pubs: if you’re sat inside you may have Perspex screens to help separation, but a few beers later all bets are off.

Funny nation, ours, we can all go down the boozer and get pissed again but our kids can’t get educated in schools yet. A blessing in disguise perhaps. My husband describes having kids as similar to having small drunks – and I can’t imagine our two having a nice socially distanced break time in the playground with their buddies.

So let’s see what next week brings. Goodbye to the Downing Street daily briefings and hello to Bournemouth beach. Erm, I mean the cautious road ahead.